Tag: x9dread

Goonscoptic Physics is the astrophysical study of the theory of the Goonscape. The field is studied largely by extremist members of Godsbeam who believe in the tenet of pilgrimage*. In 2040, 2 in every 3 goonscoptic physicists was a follower of Godsbeam. The Institute for Goonscoptic Science was founded in 2033 by 14 members of Godsbeam.

* Fringe believers of Godsbeam desire pilgrimage into the Goonscape because it is believed that their holy book, The Broken Soil originated there. Pilgrimage is not an official tenet of Godsbeam and many Pilgrims are excommunicated from the Church.

On old spirits day

Rub your face with red clay

And go out for a full night of gooning

As you wander and stray

You should howl, growl and bray

Making sure that your voice is a booming

But as the sky starts to gloam

You must return home

Don’t get too wrapped up in your funs

Your goonaunties have combed

All the scabs from their domes

And the first child home gets the sweet ones

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

Goonbarrowing (variant: goonborrowing)– To borrow something that was originally yours but has been taken away.  The meaning comes from a poem from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls describing a protagonist Hirreli who takes back the silk stockings she was swindled out of during a crooked game of Pilly-Snigg (a combination of poker and cups). She hides them at the bottom of a wheelbarrow full of potatoes.

As your calendar starts to go sheer*

Don’t let your face go all a-sneer

You’ve grown a bit older

So climb a new boulder

Can you see an approaching new year?

*Gooncalendars are made of translucent materials (plastics, sheer paper products, woven fabrics, etc) and the peeling of months results in new shades. There are no picture-calendars in the Goonscape.

Sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab.

The Goonscape is a sympathetic history that exists just beyond the Known Universe.

There is no known way of contacting the inhabitants of the Goonscape directly. Its existence has been discovered only through those objects that have fallen out of the Goonscape and into the Known Universe.

The best theory for how artifacts transmit from one dimension to the other is the SusyGoon Pivot Hypothesis which states as follows: The Goonscape and the Known Universe pivot laterally parallel to one another at different rates. If points of analogous quantum symmetry meet, then artifacts “drop” through.

It is indeed fortunate that some of the objects that have dropped out of the Goonscape and into the known universe during modern times were history books themselves. Notably,  The Broken Soil (ancient texts) and The Goon Scrolls (a collection of humorous goonchidren’s poetry). Both have been translated and treated in detail by this author in other publications.

It is suspected that items or lost people from our world may still exist in the Goonscape.

Yhomtoppa goons live in a Guldwoh desert oasis called Yhomtoppa. As a culture the Yhomtoppa are a secluded people. They do not have much interaction with other gooncultures or goongovernments. This is probably due to the fact that they use butterflies as currency.

The Yhomtoppa have been using this curious specie as early as 400 g.C. They themselves acknowledge that this is terribly inefficient but stress that it has made their society hardier and more harmonious. All members of the community are invested in the breeding of butterflies regardless of age, social status, or gender. They are some of the most beautiful and rare species of butterflies in the entirety of the goonscape and the known universe.

Due to the amount of time, energy and knowledge it takes to create large quantities of valuable butterflies, the wealthiest Yhomtoppa goons are almost all secluded intellectuals who have little to no interest in cashing in their menageries. They are compelled, however, to periodically re-infuse the local economy with common breeds and this economic balance is closely monitored by Yhomtoppa elders.

The wealthiest and most experienced breeders have developed ways of genetically enhancing butterfly health, life spans and can also manipulate the size of butterflies. Some have wingspans as small as 5 centimeters while others can sport wingspans measuring 46 centimeters.

Most Yhomtoppa families farm butterflies in their homes or gardens but many have learned to survive solely on butterflies they catch in the wild.

A simple-breed brown petal butterfly is worth approximately 2$US.

A fat, jolly squire

From Gooningtonshire

Desired himself a young wife

So his friends all conspired

They searched and inquired

To find him a good match for life

Swains well-admired

Dressed up to inspire

But he pictured none as a bride

No one knew he desired

And only perspired

F0r goodmaidens sufficiently wide

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

Markfel Joon

The Godhead goon

Brought us religion from heaven’s own spring

And your teachers will croon

Of Joon’s sacred boon

But they seem to have forgotten one thing

Joon’s berth is in glory*

Handsome and hoary

The soldier who studied the arts

We all know his story

Noble, pious and gory

But what of his great holy farts?

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

 *Translator’s notes: “Markfel Joon’s berth is in glory,” is from a Goon historical text called The Broken Soil (Hib-ai Klinjustuh gra). This text has not been recovered in its entirety but the phrase used in Yoll’s poem was found in sec. 9 par. 17. We can only assume it was a widespread text that even goonchildren would be familiar with.