Tag: gjeunse

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Book IX of Q’ri ru-Bloviart

Research Note #43: It is widely considered as fact by the historical community that Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab began his translation work of Gjeunse literature while still a resident of the Goonscape. While numerous translated artifacts may exist in that alternate dimension, it is difficult to confirm since none of his private notes have yet fallen out of the Goonscape and into the Known Universe. Would such document transmit from one dimension to the other, much could be learned about Belkins-Dunjhab’s methods. Not to mention the unimaginable wealth of knowledge held by Gjeunse that has yet to be translated into one of our Known languages. 

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Excerpt from Book IX of  Q’ri ru-Bloviart (Proclamations† Related‡ to Times of Bloviart) 

Looking up, turmoiling sky
Rains and ruins my path to market
my eyes turn down with smile to see
my glancing, wild, bumpy feet

My namesakes built up all the markets
amid storms and death and plunderfolk
paced and traced with bumpy feet
much hurtings, yes but not defeat

So when gods confer the great big sky,
the market paths, and all my namesake
to Bloviart so him should rule on high
My eyes turn down and  wink
at pacing, wild, bumpy feet

† The Q’ appendage can be a tricky one in the Gjeunse language. In this instance, it takes on the significance of a “gestalt” of events but with more profound connotations.  Q’ is then appended to ri, a conjugate of the participle re, signifying time, as for example in “Ru-Bloviart” which can safety be translated as times or epochs related to — or affected by — the Bloviart.

‡ The prepositional relationship between Q’ri  and ru-Bloviart could be interpreted many ways here due to the incredible flexibility of the Q’ appendage.

 

 

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General Notes on the Aesthetics of Goon Architectural Style and Homes

The domicile of the average Gjeunse (both family and individual), while always unique, does tend to approach a general conformity in aesthetic preference.

They live in small, free-standing structures that can economically accommodate about six. Their homes and frequently businesses too, are composed of a sort of moss that can be stripped in large patches and which cakes and adheres with wet air while drying and solidifying with dry air.  It is both insulating and creates excess oxygen inside the structure. The primary drawback is the constant need to re-apply which doesn’t seem to bother Gjeunse at all. In fact, it is common Gjeunse to take what we might call a “personal day” simply to re-apply moss to their places of employment.

Their homes are cramped, cozy spaces. Overwhelmed with books and teeming with objects d’art, with room functions roughly similar to ours. The main difference is the presence of a spa room — separate from the bathroom — in every home. These function as dens or great rooms and Gjeunse will often host parties in their spa areas. It’s curious and delightful as literature is such a huge part of their culture and yet, in the spa room, it is considered taboo to bring books. All references must be made by recitation.

Perhaps more later,
Aamer

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The Bloviart

Bloviart  [bloh-vey-ahrt]

noun
1. a leader or ruler; usually connotes despotic tendencies

2. historic: the Bloviart was title given to the latter day rulers of the Khurchipp dynasty in the southern lands of Res. Their rule lasted from 309 x.D to 1140 x.H.

3. politics: current leaders of the Wedgegon Provinces take the title of Bloviart

etymology
bloviart is thought to derive from the Gjeunese term ovreet, an exalted executioner from the taskmaster’s order in ancient Restit, an infamous slave state and warlike culture. The appendage of the prefix bl could be related either to:

a) blurt – from the term “to spread” as one spreads jam or jelly.

b) bloutik – a curious word of high middle Gjeunese that incorporates many meanings and is used poetically across Gjeunse culture. Context-dependent, the term can mean: inordinate glut (such as a surplus that has gone to rot), famine, imbalance, or the feeling of being mired in a carrion bog.

 

 

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Solos and Trillo

Adopted, as an adult, by strange people in a fantastic new place. It’s a new kind of childhood. The seemingly infinite opportunity for exploration. Indeed since this town, this country, this planet is all wholly alien to me, it may as well be infinite, since the scope is more than I could  examine in several lifetimes.

Gjeunse have such varied cultures, languages and modalities and yet there is something that unites them all. A certain ironic sensibility, a sense of humor that is subtle yet cutting. Most are kindly, generous even — I have been treated with so many gifts, invitations and tours. Gjeunse have a rich culture of language and my profession as a polyglot and philosopher interests them.

They are familiar with the Known Universe, that is to say, the dimension of my origin. In their scientific imagings, the universe’s shape is something not dissimilar from an accordion’s bellows. They call their own dimension Solos. Ours they call Trillo.

That’s all for today,
Aamer

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Gruntelope

Disastrous fortune! Damn our luck!
We spied the gruntelope
Heaving monstrous, muddy breaths
Rolling slumb’rous on the slope

Guide and giver, Yuptet raised
A twig-like hand up to his brow
And pointing with the other, lowed
“Alack, there goes the sow.”

“Level not thine eyes to theirs
lest they fix us adversaries,
a threat to mate and wat’ring hole.
They’d reduce us to our cherries.”

Back we wove our path to camp
Through sun and scrubby brush
Grateful still to be upright Gjeunse
And not wild, steaming mush

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

 

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New Dread’s Eve

But what really happened to Aamer when he fell into the Goonscape? We know what happened before and after. His work, his son, his suicide. But our cherished explorer and philologist never did reveal what he heard or saw during his long stay in that strange and far away place.

Far away only in a sense. Since, as any Goonscoptic physicist will explain to you, the Goonscape is right here. Right on top of us. A sympathetic vibration, unseen, unsmelled, untouched unless… Well, unless you run into a sweet spot. A place where corners meet, where systems jam, a slurping bog where you fall forever and ever –until, of course, you stop falling and you are simply somewhere else.

New research into Aamer’s private papers reveal a new possibility. Something overlooked. Maybe it’s nothing. Or maybe, there’s another object that came crashing through the boundaries of time and space along with Aamer on his journey home.

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Mergoons

“Mergoons! Dead ahead!”

The ship’s lookout said

All hands brought the ship to a stop

They exchanged topside crops

For good seaweed mops

And soft blankets made of sea bed

But one goonsailor bleated

“I feel I’ve been cheated!”

“These blankets are covered in slime!”

His mates said, “Don’t whine”

Be more careful next time!”

The transaction’s already completed!”

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Goonhearts

It is common for goons

To hum little tunes

And no teacher should tell you it’s wrong

Whether it’s high tide at noon

Or the high rise of moon

Every goonheart beats with a song

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

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Goonscoptic Physics

Goonscoptic Physics is the astrophysical study of the theory of the Goonscape. The field is studied largely by extremist members of Godsbeam who believe in the tenet of pilgrimage*. In 2040, 2 in every 3 goonscoptic physicists was a follower of Godsbeam. The Institute for Goonscoptic Science was founded in 2033 by 14 members of Godsbeam.

* Fringe believers of Godsbeam desire pilgrimage into the Goonscape because it is believed that their holy book, The Broken Soil originated there. Pilgrimage is not an official tenet of Godsbeam and many Pilgrims are excommunicated from the Church.

 

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Old Spirits Day Gooning

On old spirits day

Rub your face with red clay

And go out for a full night of gooning

As you wander and stray

You should howl, growl and bray

Making sure that your voice is a booming

But as the sky starts to gloam

You must return home

Don’t get too wrapped up in your funs

Your goonaunties have combed

All the scabs from their domes

And the first child home gets the sweet ones

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

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The Broken Soil

The Broken Soil (Hib-ai Klinjustuh gra) is a goontext that fell out of the Goonscape and into the known universe in the 1980 Black Sabbath and Blue Oyster Cult tour, “Black and Blue” while they were performing in Uniondale, New York. It was discovered by Julian “Jose” Cantor who kept it in his personal library until his death in 2002. It was then passed along to the Brookline pubic library where it was immeditately identified as a goonartifact and sent to this author’s personal address.

The Broken Soil describes the Goonscapes relation to the Known Universe, implying that Goons themselves are aware of our alternate existence and histories.

The text deals primarily with the soul or “the interior,” peace among nations, and the orientation of divinity in the universe. A full translation is available in the library of congress.

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Goonbarrowing

Goonbarrowing (variant: goonborrowing)– To borrow something that was originally yours but has been taken away.  The meaning comes from a poem from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls describing a protagonist Hirreli who takes back the silk stockings she was swindled out of during a crooked game of Pilly-Snigg (a combination of poker and cups). She hides them at the bottom of a wheelbarrow full of potatoes.

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New Goonyear

As your calendar starts to go sheer*

Don’t let your face go all a-sneer

You’ve grown a bit older

So climb a new boulder

Can you see an approaching new year?

*Gooncalendars are made of translucent materials (plastics, sheer paper products, woven fabrics, etc) and the peeling of months results in new shades. There are no picture-calendars in the Goonscape.

Sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab.

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The Goonscape

The Goonscape is a sympathetic history that exists just beyond the Known Universe.

There is no known way of contacting the inhabitants of the Goonscape directly. Its existence has been discovered only through those objects that have fallen out of the Goonscape and into the Known Universe.

The best theory for how artifacts transmit from one dimension to the other is the SusyGoon Pivot Hypothesis which states as follows: The Goonscape and the Known Universe pivot laterally parallel to one another at different rates. If points of analogous quantum symmetry meet, then artifacts “drop” through.

It is indeed fortunate that some of the objects that have dropped out of the Goonscape and into the known universe during modern times were history books themselves. Notably,  The Broken Soil (ancient texts) and The Goon Scrolls (a collection of humorous goonchidren’s poetry). Both have been translated and treated in detail by this author in other publications.

It is suspected that items or lost people from our world may still exist in the Goonscape.

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Goon Cultures: Yhomtoppa Goons

Yhomtoppa goons live in a Guldwoh desert oasis called Yhomtoppa. As a culture the Yhomtoppa are a secluded people. They do not have much interaction with other gooncultures or goongovernments. This is probably due to the fact that they use butterflies as currency.

The Yhomtoppa have been using this curious specie as early as 400 g.C. They themselves acknowledge that this is terribly inefficient but stress that it has made their society hardier and more harmonious. All members of the community are invested in the breeding of butterflies regardless of age, social status, or gender. They are some of the most beautiful and rare species of butterflies in the entirety of the goonscape and the known universe.

Due to the amount of time, energy and knowledge it takes to create large quantities of valuable butterflies, the wealthiest Yhomtoppa goons are almost all secluded intellectuals who have little to no interest in cashing in their menageries. They are compelled, however, to periodically re-infuse the local economy with common breeds and this economic balance is closely monitored by Yhomtoppa elders.

The wealthiest and most experienced breeders have developed ways of genetically enhancing butterfly health, life spans and can also manipulate the size of butterflies. Some have wingspans as small as 5 centimeters while others can sport wingspans measuring 46 centimeters.

Most Yhomtoppa families farm butterflies in their homes or gardens but many have learned to survive solely on butterflies they catch in the wild.

A simple-breed brown petal butterfly is worth approximately 2$US.

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Doomsday(s)

Holiday

May 9: Bank holiday observed in Norway, Czech Republic, and Germany. Instituted first in Germany in 2013 to stave off total implosion of the German national economy during the second world depression. Now celebrated with frying of traditional pancakes and the exchange of small gifts such as fruits or household objects.

Apocalyptic Predictions

1.God’s Beam: The religious cult God’s Beam, founded by Jeff Goldblum predicts the end of the world on 9.20.11073. The date reflects the extrapolated time from Jeff Goldblum’s exact moment of death added to the amount of time it would take for his energy to reach the Godspot in the center of the universe, assuming that his soul is traveling at the speed of light.

2. Visionary Prairie Dog: VPD worshipers are a small segment of MidAtlantic Protestants in the United States who broke with traditional doctrine to worship the feed of Twitter handle “VisionaryPrairieDog.” The computer that runs the algorithms for VPD feed operates out of a small home in Bloomington, Indiana. The VPD feed periodically makes End of World (EOW) predictions and the VPD Church in Tampa, Florida updates religious calendars with this information. Secular members of the religion say that the doomsday component of their worship is not taken that seriously.

3. Earth Stewards: The Earth Stewards have several cascading dates earmarked for humanity’s End of Days as they systematically exhaust all of the Earth’s resources. The group keeps most of these dates secret but has released this rough outline for general review:

2063   Exhaustion of oil
2101    Exhaustion of lumber
2105    Permanent structures no longer feasible due to extreme weather and climate change
2117     Over 75% of fresh water becomes poisonous
2200    Surface habitation no longer possible

4. Goondoomsday predicted by Vikfael Oosaigin: The discovery of Oosaigin’s private letters is arguably the most exciting development in Goonarchaeology since the discovery of Yoll’s Goon Scrolls in southern France. Oosaigin was an administrative counselor to a number of Goon principalities in the Lim provinces in southeastern quadrant of the Goonscape. In a remarkable letter that he addresses to an unknown friend he writes,

Epochs will come
Epochs will go
But a Goonscholar’s task
Is to be In The Know

A sky will break
Into fiery snow
Upon each and all of us
Foreign, friend and foe

From whence we came
From whence we go
We all wind up
As heavenly glow

5. The Clock Machine (disputed): The Clock Machine was invented by Rafael “Bananas” Iñez as a tool for comparing times on different planets, regions of space and parallel universes. However, just 15 months after it was installed at a NASA facility in Kippy, New Mexico, the device began to malfunction. Despite countless diagnostic tests and rebuilds The Clock Machine rendered 16:08:001 for all times zones. Many began to speculate that The Clock Machine was interpreting a time or date associated with the end of all things.

Iñez always asserted that this was not a endtimes prediction but either an error in The Clock’s engineering or failure to integrate correctly with the 2030 iPatch. Toward the end of his life, he voiced regret that he had not designed an analog version.

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Gooningtonshire

A fat, jolly squire

From Gooningtonshire

Desired himself a young wife

So his friends all conspired

They searched and inquired

To find him a good match for life

Swains well-admired

Dressed up to inspire

But he pictured none as a bride

No one knew he desired

And only perspired

F0r goodmaidens sufficiently wide

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

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Goonberry pies

Goonberry pies

Don’t taste very nice

If you like pastries that are fruity or sweet

They’re made with a spice

That can only entice

Goonuncles who eat with their feet

But when goonmother makes

Yucky goonberry cakes

Be a well-behaved, foul little brat

Find something that slakes

And fight your siblings for takes

Maybe next course will be roasted rat!

Translator’s notes: Goonberry cakes and pies are common dishes served during the Goon holiday of Blibberderth which is approximately the first week after spring begins. It celebrates flowers and fertility. Goonberries themselves are sour and sticky and, stereo-typically  goonchildren will not eat them. 

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

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Goonstyle Rising in Urban Centers

Fashionistas in major cities all over the United States may be noticing the changing window dressing in their favorite chic boutiques this season. Mostly because this seasons’s style is all about Goonstyle.

Fringe fashion blogger and self-described ‘Cultural Deviant’ Taylor McGavin has been following the emergent Goon trend since 2007. “It all started up in Rome in the fall of that year,” she explains. “Just all of a sudden you started seeing Goon craftsmanship incorporated into a lot of boot production there. The engraving, the spikes, blacks, reds, gems. All of it. Not all at once but overall you could see it happening. The style was  picked up in Moscow five years later where it started to spread like crazy to most Eastern European cities. They were onto this trend way before London and the west. Which is weird, right? Since the Goon Scrolls were discovered in France by that American guy I think? Anyway, totally weird and I love it.”

But McGavin isn’t the only person who caught on early to this emerging trend. Lili Mascopone was interning in Italy at a design company that works in Dolce & Gabbana in the winter of 2009. She also spotted the Gooncraze in its early beginnings.

“The goonfashion is known throughout Italy now. A woman will not leave her house unless she has an article of goonfashion with her. It’s the most I’ve ever seen a trend affect people. Trendy people love trendy clothes, yes, but this goonfashion is a must-have for people of all fashions. It’s so simple to incorporated into anyone’s closet or life style. On any budget. It is truly a new era of fashion.” As she tells us this, she sports her ragged black and white silk t shirt declaring “i ❤ Goon.”

Goonstyle is characterized by heavy leathers, furs, and translucent materials that simulate goos and greases. Marc Jacobs, Sigrid Olsen, and Lucky Jeans have all announced that their winter collections will be exclusively in Goonstyle.

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Markfel Joon the Godhead Goon

Markfel Joon

The Godhead goon

Brought us religion from heaven’s own spring

And your teachers will croon

Of Joon’s sacred boon

But they seem to have forgotten one thing

Joon’s berth is in glory*

Handsome and hoary

The soldier who studied the arts

We all know his story

Noble, pious and gory

But what of his great holy farts?

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

 *Translator’s notes: “Markfel Joon’s berth is in glory,” is from a Goon historical text called The Broken Soil (Hib-ai Klinjustuh gra). This text has not been recovered in its entirety but the phrase used in Yoll’s poem was found in sec. 9 par. 17. We can only assume it was a widespread text that even goonchildren would be familiar with. 

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Goon Captain Glisl

The fiercest goon pirate

The so-called Sea Tyrant

Was Captain Glisl, bringer of woes

He was cruel and defiant

A physical giant

But a goon only reaps what he sows

His language was rank

He constantly drank

His garnered riches that brought him no pleasure

So when his sturdy sloop banked

So hard that it sanked

His bones came to rest among treasure

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

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Goonshallots

Goonshallots are

So incredibly hard

You must first burst them wide

With a mallet

But if you dip them in lard

And fry them softly in tar

They make an almost palatable salad

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab.