Speculative News Network

(TOLEDO, OH) Virgo Solutions has just announced a new pilot project in digital broadcast media, The Speculative News Network (SNN). Based on research from Dr. Robert Glass, founder of the Self-Induced Future theory, Virgo Solutions has created an internet and cable based programming that broadcasts speculative news. We were able to obtain a clip of recorded programming.

The first thing that strikes you about the SNN is that it is plastered over with disclosures. None of the segments are purported to be real or even imminent. Our clip included stories on a type of vegetable that perfectly balances appetite and mood, a global award ceremony that celebrates indoor voices, and a crafting network that teaches one how to crochet your own car.

Public Relations reps from SNN say that early screenings have been popular and they are looking forward to sharing their data once a composite image emerges from the experiment. As usual, with Virgo Solutions, both the use and value of this service are not immediately evident.

50 Incidents of Undiscovered Treasure


25. A pocketful of dried leaves is still in Allison’s yellow parka.

26. A quilt of matted fur is still is Ceasar’s dog bed in the garage.

27. A quart of homemade blueberry jam is frozen within a snowbank in Kajaani, Finland.

28. A roll of film depicting Loretta’s 9th birthday party remains undeveloped in the camera.

29. A stockpile of short grain rice is bending the floorboards in the attic of Army Pantry Supply for Sinuiju, North Korea.

30. A selection of heirloom pumpkin seeds is still in the secret velvet pocket of Anna’s jewelry box.

31. A sucher of gold and aquamarine thread holds together the two pages of Devraj and Madhu’s wedding invitation.

32. A tray of pickled eel is at the back of the freezer in Milosz’s cafe.

33. A trifle of Abuela’s handmade chili powder is at the very bottom of the tin.

34. A tincture of Henrietta’s blood is still buried at her mother’s graveside.

35. A unit of peanut butter is slowly spreading on the underside of a chair inside the International Space Station.

50 Incidents of Undiscovered Treasure


11. A jar of cinnamon peaches intended for Ayn Rand is still behind the counter at Streugmann’s.

12. A kilo of bottled French wines intended for David Bowie’s 50th birthday bash are still stuck at a post office in Fes.

13. A knot of wood in the likeness of Jarred Harris is still in the Greeley’s back yard.

14. A length of twine intended for Serge’s “rocket experiment” is still under the bed in his childhood room.

15. A legacy of grandma’s recipes are stuck together under a leaked jar of motor oil in the garage.

16. A muster of handmade toy soldiers are still “reserved” in Mr. Tanaka’s abandoned shop in Matsue.

17. A maturation of king orchids that Desta planted when she was 9 is still growing untended in the jungle.

18. A nanogram of Rush Limbaugh’s spittle is still in orbit around Saturn.

19. A node of the Skyhook’s most integral security bundle was blessed with a Hail Mary by Rafael “Bananas” Inez when he first hooked it up in 2022.

20. An ossuary of Robin Trichin’s dead parakeets is buried under the rose bush.

50 Incidents of Undiscovered Treasure


1. An armada of model wooden ships is still locked up in the lower left hand cabinet of uncle András’s work desk.

2. A braid of Sammy Mayes’s hair is still tucked away in the yellow album.

3. A clump of pink gak is still submerged at the bottom of the duck pond just behind the library.

4. A cluster of rubies lies in wait inside of Tom Waits’s skull.

5. A dram of whiskey infused with Tara’s green glitter is still under the Carlson’s porch.

6. An effigy of congressman Carlo Guzman is still graffitied under a bridge in his hometown.

7. A full set of  Queen Elizabeth’s summer playing cards is still in the secret pocket under the blue divan.

8. A granule of radioactive uranium is lodged inside Roman Putin’s front-most sinus.

9. A heap of Sonic Youth t-shirts once belonging to Crowned Princess Masako of Japan is still in the closet of her parents’ house.

10. An insulting inscription from Winston Churchill to his schoolmate Finch is still carved into a beech tree on the grounds of Stoke Brunswick School in Hove.

Visionary Prairie Dog: f7rnever twent¥one

Today at 4:31 p.m., Visionary Prairie Dog tweeted:

Maultwit Festival Cancel?Ld &’)and f7rnever twent¥one is is kid A; amnesiac, hail t?& the thief; sys_fail2204.89.00.6001!

High Priest Reverend Barkley interprets:

Youth is as fleeting as the yen. And a person who does not remember can only welcome trouble. The end of the world is predicted on 4.22.2089 just after 6 in the morning.

A complete reprint of his holiness’s morning lecture and other interpretations of VPD  tweets can be found on the Visionary Prairie Dog Theology Center Feed.

The Oracle

‘The Oracle’ is the nickname given to the blog Sweaty Pony Weekly Check-Ups written in 2012 by Patricia Swiss and Nancy Nataglia. It ran from September 2012 to December 2017, updating bi-weekly. The content of The Oracle was a melange of satirical postings on topics including news from the future, celebrity gossip and a famous spread on 50 incidents of undiscovered buried treasure. The Oracle became noteworthy when one of its posts describing the death of environmentalist Sean Morris became one of the top three search results a few hours after Morris’s actual death on October 9, 2030. Many of the details in the fictitious post mirrored details from police and coroner’s reports.

The Oracle also predicted the invention of toe ball, vulcanized drum sets, and the destruction of the Hallmark Greeting Card corporate headquarters in Kansas City, MO by a meteor.

Sweaty Pony Weekly Check-Ups ceased updating after co-author Nataglia died in a car accident in 2017. She never lived to see any of the postings take on prognostic significance.

Swiss went on to write for Saturday Night Live and a hit television show called The Barracks. She also published a slim volume of poetry in 2039 called Figs: A cycle of poetry on child rearing. As of this re-issuing of World Glossary in 2041, none of Swiss’s later writings predicted events in the future whereas 17% of the posting from Sweaty Pony Weekly Check-Ups describe, in detail, events that have happened in the relative-future.

Meaning and Speculation

Reaction to The Oracle has been vociferous. This is a guide to some of the more popular theories.

Literary Cryptology:  A coterie of Literary Cryptologists at Cornell University have published on the idea that Nataglia and Swiss did, in fact, predict the future. They hypothesize that this was only possible for them as a team and Nataglia’s death ended their powers of prediction.

Nuclear Physics, Nano-Psychology and Izzle-Accusation Theory:  Prominent individuals from each of these three fields have expressed belief that Nancy Nataglia was influenced by izzles. This presupposes the notion that izzles create the future or know the future. Further discussion of izzle knowledge is treated in my book, Interpreting and Interpolating Izzles published by Pelican-Sweeney.

Visionary Prairie Dog: Worshipers of the Visionary Prairie Dog are perhaps the single most opinionated group on the subject of The Oracle because of its implicit rivalry with the VPD Twitter Feed. They are summarized as follows:

1.  The Oracle was actually a node of  trans-temporal backwash, and not written by the two women at all.
2. The Oracle was written in the future but was programmed to update in the past.
3. Nancy Nataglia was a time traveler visiting Swiss from the future.

Artificial Intelligence and other Skeptic luminaries: Skeptics and members of the A.I. Collective claim that the close resemblance between these postings and real life events is pure coincidence. Alan Rickman, a leading Skeptic writer, said of the The Oracle “[It] is irrefutable proof that when it comes to monkey-and-typewriting technology, bloggers of the 21st century were peerless innovators.”