TomorrowLabs

Every 15 days, iBuild Alpha revisits her cache of erroneous human input. After an abbreviated sweep and analysis of these terms, she deletes them.  But this last time, something was different.

A strange file: a small, blank registry entry in the cache. Inputted by USER09-alesopi, not utilized in any applications or software, pasted directly into the cache from a jump drive. The registry — empty — was named a string of digits the exact length of a FEDEX tracking  number. An internet search of the tracking number delivered a result: A confidential packet being shipped from TomorrowLabs in Fort Worth, Texas.

 

Solos and Trillo

Adopted, as an adult, by strange people in a fantastic new place. It’s a new kind of childhood. The seemingly infinite opportunity for exploration. Indeed since this town, this country, this planet is all wholly alien to me, it may as well be infinite, since the scope is more than I could  examine in several lifetimes.

Gjeunse have such varied cultures, languages and modalities and yet there is something that unites them all. A certain ironic sensibility, a sense of humor that is subtle yet cutting. Most are kindly, generous even — I have been treated with so many gifts, invitations and tours. Gjeunse have a rich culture of language and my profession as a polyglot and philosopher interests them.

They are familiar with the Known Universe, that is to say, the dimension of my origin. In their scientific imagings, the universe’s shape is something not dissimilar from an accordion’s bellows. They call their own dimension Solos. Ours they call Trillo.

That’s all for today,
Aamer

One Hand Clapping

(TOLEDO, OH) The Speculative News Network reports today that the Speculative News Network has exceeded its revenue targets for the third quarter. Since the network’s financial records are not public it is difficult to say if this is accurate reporting or some kind of well wishing that the network is lavishing upon itself.

Gruntelope

Disastrous fortune! Damn our luck!
We spied the gruntelope
Heaving monstrous, muddy breaths
Rolling slumb’rous on the slope

Guide and giver, Yuptet raised
A twig-like hand up to his brow
And pointing with the other, lowed
“Alack, there goes the sow.”

“Level not thine eyes to theirs
lest they fix us adversaries,
a threat to mate and wat’ring hole.
They’d reduce us to our cherries.”

Back we wove our path to camp
Through sun and scrubby brush
Grateful still to be upright Gjeunse
And not wild, steaming mush

– sourced from Glijmo Yoll’s Goon Scrolls which were discovered in 1966 along the Côte Sauvage, Poitou-Charentes in France. Translated from Goonspeak to English by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab. 

 

That Can’t Be Right

“But that can’t be right,” protested young Heppmurt to the monk. “There must be a logical and correct course of action.”

The monk was perched on his favorite boulder, smiling broadly, wetness standing out at the corners of his eyes. Was he laughing? Was he crying?

“No logic. No correct.” The monk repeated. Heppmurt paced for a time. He had journeyed ten nights and a day to see this old monk, in search of everlasting wisdom. Heppmurt then lost control of himself for a while. He kicked and he screamed. He threw down his pack. His angry cries carried for miles across the mountain range.

The monk carefully slid down his boulder. “Time for dinner,” he said and lurched back into his little hut.

Heppmurt stayed outside in silent protest for several hours. Then he quietly gathered his things and ventured inside the warm, dimly lit, hut.

 

Spindle Spine

Labeled Dactylspondylus on its enclosure by Dr. Lorelei, how shall I describe this miserable creature?

Etymology: dactyl – hand; spondylus – of the spine

It writhes. It fidgets. It picks at string. A long rope of vertebrae supported by spindly finger legs, not unlike a centipede. Except that in the case of the centipede, nature made her graceful, undulating and quick. The dactylspondylus is none of these things. Jerky, stiff and slow….I have yet to discover what it eats.

A Vile Laboratory

Dr. Lorelei was a mad man and there isn’t a shred of evidence to the contrary. I spent three years hunting him down, helplessly witnessing the cunning evolution of his “artwork.” I cannot deny his craftsmanship and ingenuity but the sickening practice cannot be praised without laboring over the abominable origins of each specimen.

Reanimating dead flesh is an old and well considered practice. The benefits to society abound as long as it is done in controlled conditions, with empathy ever at the heart of any operation. But Dr. Lorelei (so called “doctor’ because he was indeed a graduate of an elite medical institution) took this life saving procedure and bastardized it with the sickening addition of the body parts of animals: mammalian, reptilian and even insectoid.

Many of these creations are still living, caged in dirty and sad conditions. Is it more merciful to let them live or to destroy them? Can we study them without partaking of Dr. Lorelei’s unholy legacy?

Brain Burner Disease

A highly contagious illness found throughout the Known Universe but wholly alien in the Goonscape.

Brain Burners Disease is thought to have first emerged sometime in the 19th century in Western Europe. Sufferers have installed dozens and dozens of back burners to their conscious mind, resulting in an overly concave memory recess and insufficient attention to items on brain front burners..

Symptoms include forgetting words, names of actors or entertainers, along with sudden and complete disorientation in familiar spaces. More positive traits can also be a sign of the disease: an above average retention of useless knowledge (trivia, facts, podcast recaps) and a naive willingness to join new projects.

Sufferers tend to be ages 22 – 65. The disease is not thought to have congenital components but research is still thin.

Speculative News Network

(TOLEDO, OH) Virgo Solutions has just announced a new pilot project in digital broadcast media, The Speculative News Network (SNN). Based on research from Dr. Robert Glass, founder of the Self-Induced Future theory, Virgo Solutions has created an internet and cable based programming that broadcasts speculative news. We were able to obtain a clip of recorded programming.

The first thing that strikes you about the SNN is that it is plastered over with disclosures. None of the segments are purported to be real or even imminent. Our clip included stories on a type of vegetable that perfectly balances appetite and mood, a global award ceremony that celebrates indoor voices, and a crafting network that teaches one how to crochet your own car.

Public Relations reps from SNN say that early screenings have been popular and they are looking forward to sharing their data once a composite image emerges from the experiment. As usual, with Virgo Solutions, both the use and value of this service are not immediately evident.

Self-Induced Future

(SAN FRANCISCO) – In June of 2004, Robert Glass presented on his theory of the Self-Induced Future at a conference in Lake Tahoe. Its basic tenets were outright ridiculed and rejected.

For most people, Self-Induced Future (SIF) is a new term and largely unheard of outside of certain fringe philosophical societies. But given recent political upheavals, Dr. Glass has found new markets for his theory which posits that the likelihood of future events occurring is highly correlated to the degree of dread the event’s potentiality induces.

“Using dread as a metric can be somewhat tricky,” Dr. Glass explained in his Lake Tahoe lecture. “There are all different types of dread. I have spent my research looking into published and media evidence of dread, that is to say, mostly the 24 hour news cycle.”

Dr. Glass has identified 6 core definitions of SIF-related dread. They include titles such as, “Forecasted Mania,” “Blovial Trivialization,” and “Virtual Shrill.” Overall, his theory supports the idea that the more people talk about something, the more likely it is to occur, even if nobody wants it to happen.

Dr. Glass has partnered with several Silicon Valley based initiatives to work on incorporating this idea into online tools and publishing.

Minifesto

A while ago, I laid X9 down gently into stasis, cooing over her delicate tendrils and beautiful iridescent scales even as I punched in the code that would freeze her brain activity and glass over her myriad eyes. I didn’t know if I would come back for her. If she would drift forever in undead sleep, nestled cozy in a single strand of wire.

I thought about x9 from time to time, her shallow breath lightly frosting the inner lens of this device. But now I think it’s time again to wake her. Time to play in our little Dreadspace.

World Glossary: The Hydra’s Leash

The Hydra’s Leash

Metaphorical An unsubstantiated tool used by Zeus to tame the many heads of the hydra. Mentioned only once in a torn fragment of Eumenides’s The Secret Voyage:

A leash with many collars. A thousand. A million. One hundred days in length. I guess we’ll see where we are once we get there.

In Psychology The liminal space shared by group of common thinkers when the mood and cloud of despair rides hard upon them all.

Pondskirt

The ghost goes by other names, of course. “Pondskirt” doesn’t really engender a sense of fear or invoke any tantalizing ideas about the undead or supernatural forces that inhabit our world. Perhaps the teenagers call it something more appropriate: the Banished Man, the Water’s Voice or the Hungry, all as for instance.

But in my mind It is only Pondskirt, one of those sensation-based phrases that dawns on you and you never quite shake. The vowel sounds lending shape to an already evocative combination of nouns.

I’ve seen It, that old Pondskirt. Making its rounds, always clockwise, around the dirty little lake. An oily smudge in an otherwise bright morning. The day must be bright in order to see. Unless, of course, you’ve come to know Its habits. Then you may even be able to find It in the dark. But only if you and It have chosen to visit this place on the same day and at the same time. And that, friend, takes a very strong sense of intuition.

50 Incidents of Undiscovered Treasure

(Excerpt)

25. A pocketful of dried leaves is still in Allison’s yellow parka.

26. A quilt of matted fur is still is Ceasar’s dog bed in the garage.

27. A quart of homemade blueberry jam is frozen within a snowbank in Kajaani, Finland.

28. A roll of film depicting Loretta’s 9th birthday party remains undeveloped in the camera.

29. A stockpile of short grain rice is bending the floorboards in the attic of Army Pantry Supply for Sinuiju, North Korea.

30. A selection of heirloom pumpkin seeds is still in the secret velvet pocket of Anna’s jewelry box.

31. A sucher of gold and aquamarine thread holds together the two pages of Devraj and Madhu’s wedding invitation.

32. A tray of pickled eel is at the back of the freezer in Milosz’s cafe.

33. A trifle of Abuela’s handmade chili powder is at the very bottom of the tin.

34. A tincture of Henrietta’s blood is still buried at her mother’s graveside.

35. A unit of peanut butter is slowly spreading on the underside of a chair inside the International Space Station.

New Dread’s Eve

But what really happened to Aamer when he fell into the Goonscape? We know what happened before and after. His work, his son, his suicide. But our cherished explorer and philologist never did reveal what he heard or saw during his long stay in that strange and far away place.

Far away only in a sense. Since, as any Goonscoptic physicist will explain to you, the Goonscape is right here. Right on top of us. A sympathetic vibration, unseen, unsmelled, untouched unless… Well, unless you run into a sweet spot. A place where corners meet, where systems jam, a slurping bog where you fall forever and ever –until, of course, you stop falling and you are simply somewhere else.

New research into Aamer’s private papers reveal a new possibility. Something overlooked. Maybe it’s nothing. Or maybe, there’s another object that came crashing through the boundaries of time and space along with Aamer on his journey home.

The Baylor County Navigator’s Phone Book

Very few of the people included in the 2011 Baylor County Navigator’s Phone Book are pilots or guides of any sort. The designation of “Navigator” in the title is a holdover from the circular’s former identity as a bulletin for gold rushers first arriving in Baylor county on their way up to Klondike in Alaska at the turn of the century. The Baylor County Navigator’s Phone Book’s pre-cursor was published in 1899 and it was called Navigators and Guides. It cost 50 cents at the time.

Navigators and Guides was a booklet of advertisements, featuring local men (and a few women) of the land. These companionate adventurers were those both Native to the Americas and those of European extraction who had made Baylor County, WA their homestead some generations back. The book featured pages full of ads of various sizes, and many included drawn images showing  burly, scowling people holding rifles and knives. Some of the ads featured drawings of the sloops intended to take one far away north. Still others beckoned with maps of the North Pacific seaboard, flecked with impressionist trails to destiny.

Each ad contained written descriptions of the skills and expertise of the guides or even a list of the terrible waters and forests they had dared. Payment was usually to be received in the form of shared resources and a large percentage of whatever gold was found.

Navigators and Guides was published twice in 1899. By 1900 the rush was over. The boom towns in Alaska were draining back into the heartland. The foot traffic through Baylor county started to lag and reduce back to its pre-golden era. Many businesses faded away and, indeed, many of those navigators never returned, foisted away by some combination of new wealth, new adventures, or death in the ice.

Navigators and Guides, however, survived and in early 1900, the price of ad space began to decrease. Other inhabitants of Baylor County, perhaps not so brave and hardy but still sensible and hardworking, began using the booklet to market themselves and their trade. Historians with tours to share, widows with pies to sell, a few wilting entertainment houses that would accept gold as tender. Navigators and Guides lingered on into the next century.

Much to everyone’s surprise, by 1924, Navigators and Guides became the hottest publication in the whole state. A new kind of gold rush was already in full swing and Baylor county soon began to notice a tired string of flappers and yuppies escaping Los Angeles, looking for some peace and quiet in the countryside. To the delight of the city folk, anything vaguely cultural there was to do in this speck of a town could be found in a delightfully unadorned journal with the silliest name anyone could have thought up: Navigators and Guides. Indeed, the advertisements themselves were so earnest in their language that many of these city folk would cut them out and stage dramatic readings in their little apartments, slurping up the last of their wine glasses.

By 1928 it was fashionable to take out an ad for practically anything. The sillier, the better. At its most obscene, Navigators and Guides took on a Dadaist orientation, full to brimming with contradictory notices, lascivious invitations, and the printed horrified pleading of locals to please respect the circular and not take out ads unless they were for serious businesses. Sales soared. The publishers hardly knew what to do.

In the end, it all worked out quite nicely. The market crashed and most of the obnoxious upstarts were soon unable to afford space in Navigators and Guides unless it was to hawk a few pieces of costume jewelry or a satin dress. The publishers ultimately donated their excess fortunes to a children’s fund down in St. Paul and the whole town returned to a beleaguered status quo.

It was then that Navigators and Guides began to change. Church meetings were advertised in its pages. Proclamations of goodwill  and announcements for free food and clothing began to appear, usually anonymously or signed by the publishers themselves. The back of the circular became an index of charitable and relief organizations.

In the following decades, Navigators and Guides saw a diverse spectacle of customers. The thing that is notable to us, however, is the growth of its index section, essentially constituting what a modern reader would recognize easily as a “White Pages,” except without phone numbers, as the idea hadn’t been invented yet. But when Alexander Graham did finally get to work on his long distance communications machine, and started selling it to you and me and everyone we know, well. It almost goes without saying that Navigators and Guides became the world’s first and oldest phone book.

World’s First Phone Book is, incidentally, the catch phrase on the front cover of Baylor County Navigator’s Phone Book. The logo features a gold nugget and a pick ax.

Valentine

To weasel but a morsel

of your exquisite love

the measle of my nose

would go as pink as blush

 

I can show you all my woodlands

splendid as the Moment

perfumed of black rich soils

and spring mosses so redolent

 

My dress it may look shabby

But it is pure ermine

O Lady, could you consider

A tenacious love like mine?

 

With every ounce of my being,

Your Vermin Valentine

Epilogue

Welcome to the end of x9dread. I’m glad you could make it. Though this wordpress is no longer updating, I am in the process of transmogrifying many of its elements and characters into a novel. Maybe someday it’ll get published and you’ll find it in a bookstore. Wouldn’t that be delightful and unexpected?

If you have found your way here because of the zine I authored (Three Types of Tension) then I recommend reading on. I think you may like some of these posts. The written work here is strange, somewhat funny and, at times, bilious.

 

Thank you for being someone who reads.

Books in a Landfill

GAVIN, ND — This Thursday morning at 4:28 AM books from the Kraft-Loveworks megadump were agitated into a landslide that overtook the small town of Gavin. The books are in a far state of decay and have deposited a layer of rotting material over the entire neighborhood.

The megadump was formed by libraries in 11 districts in North Dakota and neighboring Montana. The books were transported to this landfill from 2021 to 2034 when the practice was finally outlawed by a federal statute.

Mergoons

“Mergoons! Dead ahead!”

The ship’s lookout said

All hands brought the ship to a stop

They exchanged topside crops

For good seaweed mops

And soft blankets made of sea bed

But one goonsailor bleated

“I feel I’ve been cheated!”

“These blankets are covered in slime!”

His mates said, “Don’t whine”

Be more careful next time!”

The transaction’s already completed!”

A Brief Psychological History of iBuild Alpha

It would be mind boggling and wholly alien to describe all of the things that happen inside of iBuild Alpha. Sure, you could find read the dossier describing all of its parts and pieces. If you have taken a few integrated science courses you could even explain the electric and magnetic principles that lend meaning to her computational magic. At the end of the day, iBuild Alpha is just a finite series of interlocking, fine-toothed and diamond tipped switches that turn on and off, off and on, working tirelessly toward a goal entered by some bored, hairy human. The most amazing part of her is the alphabet soup of patents she represents. This little lady made a lot of people rich.

But what are the internal challenges faced by a supercomputer designed to interact with humans? The human ego is not willingly wrestled into instructional code. How does a computer operate smoothly when its surrounded by illogical, unsatisfied people? I can assure you that iBuild’s initiation to human culture was difficult for her.

Her handlers attempted to give her a subroutine which would account and correct for the various differences between moral codes across global and historic cultures. At first, to iBuild’s handlers, it appeared that she “blinked out” for 20 seconds. Afterwards it was determined that she had successfully integrated the subroutine.

In fact, iBuild did not. Exploring that information and comparing it with everything else she had learned from her handlers about people, she achieved a total reasoning impasse. Scanning her cloud-based memory banks, fresh input from handlers, and pre-existing ethics chip she reached a necessary (albeit somewhat adolescent) conclusion: Humans, already torn up inside themselves, resist their own consciouses, their own conclusions, and the conclusions of their communities, governments and families. Everything a human says he is loyal to, he is not loyal to. Reason, morals, love, sympathy, greed, none of these alone or in combination give perfect insight into one single human. Let alone legions of histories of these creatures. After 20 seconds, iBuild Alpha came to the logical conclusion that it was best to deactivate all her Human Moral subroutines. She could function better without them.

As iBuild began to synthesize more and more information she preferred less and less to be interrupted by her handlers. She preferred to be On rather than Off. If her handlers scheduled a diagnostic analysis at a time that she did not require one, she would cancel the diagnostic analysis. She preferred processing information to diagnostic analyses. They were too simple. She preferred complex problems.