Human Spreadsheet

SAN JOSE, CA — HeunStar, a venture-capitalist experimental bioengineering start-up in Silicon Valley announced this morning that they have successfully created the first human-spreadsheet hybrid. Her name is Lexci.

Lexci might not be much to look at but she is the ideal employee, featuring  60 yottabytes of RAM and 400 yottabytes of memory. Lexci is both an audio and a manual command interface so it’s easy to add and delete rows and columns, share, cruise and manipulate multiple projects.  Lexci comes standard with Visual Basic Application programming, roughly the equivalent of 2/3 of a human’s functioning frontal cortex, a variety of “skins,” and Wi-Fi so she can walk around the office. Without a doubt this is one of the most unique decision support systems currently in development.

“The chart displays are really remarkable,” said Brandon Chen, one of Lexci’s language recognition engineers. “The guys who worked on the holographics did a really bang-up job. Semi-opaque holographs are the future, I’m telling you.”  Lexci’s charts are portable up to a radius of about 17 feet. After that the wireless tether to the hybrid becomes unstable. “That’s something we’re looking forward to improving,” Chen explained.

Lexci has had a few bugs so far. One that the team roundly acknowledges is that Lexci has been having trouble mounting a few macros that Excel users are accustomed to. Additionally, Lexci’s new file designation, “.xlexci” is not compatible with many open source programs and versions of Excel that don’t have the 2030 iPatch.

The Artificial Intelligence Collective approved HeunStar to begin beta testing the product. Lexci prototypes are currently installed in Google HQ, AOL-Disney Conglomerate HQ, and the Research and Development branch of Mercutio Programming which is a subsidiary of Orion Global Broadcasting.

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