Emma Willard claims that yesterday afternoon she was chased down by a pack of ninjas.
“There were just so many of them. I could feel my heart in my throat,” 38-year old Willard told local reporters. She explained that she was on her way home from the grocery store where she had purchased more than 30 cans of beans and fruit. “The government-ordered electromagnetic pulse will be coming any day now so I really don’t even normally go out. Today was a weird exception because we just really needed more food in the basement. I don’t want to do this interview anymore. I just want to be at home with my children.”
Willard speculated that the ninjas were Harvard graduates. When asked why she believed this to be the case, she gnashed her teeth and muttered, “Liberals.”