Aden-dactyl-o-meterĀ 

Indexing this foul laboratory has been one of the most bitter tasks of my life. Consider, the Adendactylometer. Not solely comprised of man and beast in ghastly combination but machine as well. Glands. All types of glands from the brains, viscera, and bowels of various creatures — humankind among them — all contained in labeled feeder baubles. The baubles connect by wiring to three limp hands of graying skin.

For the sake of completeness only did I handle the machine. I intended only to learn the purpose of its construction and operation. What dreadful science! Turning the dial beneath each bauble (releasing glandular excretions into the wiring) animates the hands with the moods and humors of the selected endocrine.

Awful, awful. I nearly vomited.

Brain Burner Disease

A highly contagious illness found throughout the Known Universe but wholly alien in the Goonscape.

Brain Burners Disease is thought to have first emerged sometime in the 19th century in Western Europe. Sufferers have installed dozens and dozens of back burners to their conscious mind, resulting in an overly concave memory recess and insufficient attention to items on brain front burners..

Symptoms include forgetting words, names of actors or entertainers, along with sudden and complete disorientation in familiar spaces. More positive traits can also be a sign of the disease: an above average retention of useless knowledge (trivia, facts, podcast recaps) and a naive willingness to join new projects.

Sufferers tend to be ages 22 – 65. The disease is not thought to have congenital components but research is still thin.